The Mail’s in!
Dear Associated Press: It’s not true. Don’t believe it. We are peaceful. Really. On the name of our prophet Mohammed ibn Himar I swear it isn’t true. We are a religion of pieces peace. All our love, Abdul Gewad, C/O Al Qaeda Cultural Center, Islamburg, NY (Source)
Dear Mr. Soros: It’s not that we hate muslims, we just hate muslim terrorists. We also hate those who collaborate with them as well, which of course includes you. (Source)
Dear Mrs. Obama: I just wanted to pass along to you, that illegal aliens no longer fear much of anything, since your husband became president. In fact, neither do terrorists. (Source)
Dear President Obama: I realize sir that you are on vacation, and probably have yet to receive the memo, but North Korea has just downed one of our military planes. I believe this is your cue to play golf, sir, so if you could please begin moving toward the golf cart. Yes sir, it’s that small car looking thing. No sir, not that one, that is your Chevy volt. It’s the other one. Thank you sir. (Source)
Dear President Obama: Thank you for supporting us over here in Libya! We could not have done this without you! We have recently been shopping and have found the perfect gift to repay you for your kindness. We will be sending it soon. All our love, Mohammed ibn Himar and the rest of the Libyan Rebels. (Source)
P.S.: By the way, it’s not true that I am still with Al Qaeda. I promise. Really. I swear I mean it this time. Honest.
Dear Jimmy Hoffa, Jr.: If you are going to threaten me, please have the intestinal fortitude to do it in person, preferably in front of my house as that is where I have my range markers set. (Source)
Dear Janet Napolitano: I am not sure if you are aware of this, but it was ISLAMIC terrorists who attacked this country on Sept. 11, 2001. It was not mentally ill Canadians, it was not toddlers, it was not wheelchair bound terminally ill grandmothers, and it was not elderly nuns. It was ISLAMIC TERRORISTS. (Source)
P.S.: They (the ISLAMIC TERRORISTS) can currently be found in Central and South America in various groups and cells (no not jail cells). These would be countries SOUTH of the United States. You know, on the other side of the border you refuse to secure.
Dear Uncle Omar: I told you not to worry! Love, Barry (Source)
Dear President Obama: Your plan worked. (Source)
Dear Anthony Weiner: You’re still a putz. Just so you know.